Thinking About Thanks

On November 23, Thanksgiving Day, I'll be one year without my mom. It's hard to believe that the time has passed so quickly. I am still working through the grieving process.

Every year at the anniversary of my brother's death, I donate a book he would have liked to the library at St. Ignatius Loyola, where my kids go to school. It keeps him alive for me, when I worry that I can't remember how his voice sounds. Sometimes I donate books in the name of other folks who have passed on, too. These donations are joyous ones...What I mean is that to be able to do this brings me great joy. Kids (and sometimes adults) get to read a cool book, and I get to remember the people I love who are no longer here with me.

I haven't done that yet for Mom. Why? I don't think I can do it without still grieving. I don't think I can hand the book to the librarian with a smile on my face instead of tears in my eyes.

My kids have come up with a different, but time-revered way to remember their beloved Nana. They light a candle for her almost every Sunday at church. Sometimes they'll add a small request to their prayer before meals (God, please keep Nana safe with you in heaven. Tell her I said hi and I miss her.)

I know a family who keeps a lit candle on the table at every holiday, signalling a loved one who has passed on. Another family participates in special "walks" to raise money in a loved one's name. Almost every day, I see memorial notices in the newspaper. Someone in my neighborhood planted a memorial tree, another a rose bush. Somebody else cut a tree down and saved the wood to burn in the fireplace.

People leave items in caskets or on tombstones. Cups of coffee, cigarettes, balloons, chess sets, leather jackets...you name it, it's probably been used as a memorial somewhere.

Right now, I pray for Mom, but mostly I still miss her...a lot. Maybe at Thanksgiving I'll set an extra place and put one of the drumsticks on the plate...or I'll pass out CowTales Candies or burn a scented candle. That'll be one step in the right direction of grief.

Grief is no stranger to me, as I've been through more than enough traumas and dramas. I'll find a joyous place within this grief someday, but not real soon. I can't seem to say good-bye or even see ya later.

We're having a memorial Mass for Mom the Saturday after Thanksgiving at Holy Trinity in Wilkes-Barre. Mass starts at four. I'd love to see some familiar, friendly faces there. Wherever you are celebrating your Thanksgiving holiday this year, try to remember Mom in a prayer, and I'll be grateful.