Parents of Adult Children
My husband told me that a friend of ours has a father that does not speak to him...and hasn't spoken to him in years. This man is a pillar of the community and highly regarded for his graciousness and goodness. His father does not speak to him because...are you ready for this?...he got married. His dad did not object to the woman herself. He objected because he wanted his son to be a priest. Our friend is the father of three great kids and the husband of a generous and beautiful woman, as well as being a successful professional. Right now he is considering becoming a deacon in his church. I am proud of him and glad to be his friend.
Another friend of ours has a brother who went through a messy divorce. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, the couple had no children. In my opinion this was a big part of the problem. Anyhow, his parents and some of his siblings refuse to speak to him. (After all, they have the perfect lives, right?) The good news is that both parties in the divorce have remarried, and my friend's brother has one son and another due in the fall. His new wife is charming and hasn't had an easy time of it, either. The most important thing I want to note here is that I never really saw my friend's brother smile before. He smiles all the time now.
I know of a woman who is separated from her husband for at least five or six years now, with no divorce in sight. Two kids, too. She allows Mr. Husband to pull all the strings because she's afraid of him. He won't give her money, and even got his girlfriend's cousin to "babysit" his kids because he's reluctant to pay daycare. He has control of two empty houses, and lives in his girlfriend's house, and she lives in a really not so nice rental. Sigh. The point here is that this woman requested that her mother go to work with her when she had to work out of town. And....mom went. This same woman used to ask her mom to go to the bank with her, too. She's over forty years old. Her parents need to speak up and tell her to file for that divorce so she can become more self-sufficient and get some self-esteem back. I'm afraid they won't.
I'm watching carefully and wishing all of these folks the best. Considering that I have three children, I need to learn what NOT to do when they become adults. Children still need their parents, no matter how old those children are...It's just a difficult line to discern...when are you meddling, and when are you needed, and when are you being silly, and when are you not tough enough?
*****
Prayer lines: for all the people mentioned above and for some neighbors with health issues and a baby of our parish who had a heart attack this week.
Another friend of ours has a brother who went through a messy divorce. Unfortunately, or maybe fortunately, the couple had no children. In my opinion this was a big part of the problem. Anyhow, his parents and some of his siblings refuse to speak to him. (After all, they have the perfect lives, right?) The good news is that both parties in the divorce have remarried, and my friend's brother has one son and another due in the fall. His new wife is charming and hasn't had an easy time of it, either. The most important thing I want to note here is that I never really saw my friend's brother smile before. He smiles all the time now.
I know of a woman who is separated from her husband for at least five or six years now, with no divorce in sight. Two kids, too. She allows Mr. Husband to pull all the strings because she's afraid of him. He won't give her money, and even got his girlfriend's cousin to "babysit" his kids because he's reluctant to pay daycare. He has control of two empty houses, and lives in his girlfriend's house, and she lives in a really not so nice rental. Sigh. The point here is that this woman requested that her mother go to work with her when she had to work out of town. And....mom went. This same woman used to ask her mom to go to the bank with her, too. She's over forty years old. Her parents need to speak up and tell her to file for that divorce so she can become more self-sufficient and get some self-esteem back. I'm afraid they won't.
I'm watching carefully and wishing all of these folks the best. Considering that I have three children, I need to learn what NOT to do when they become adults. Children still need their parents, no matter how old those children are...It's just a difficult line to discern...when are you meddling, and when are you needed, and when are you being silly, and when are you not tough enough?
*****
Prayer lines: for all the people mentioned above and for some neighbors with health issues and a baby of our parish who had a heart attack this week.
posted by Reading Reader | 4:15 PM
2 Comments:
A friend has a father that hasn't spoken to him in years because he got married. He objected because he wanted his son to be a priest.
If the father thought being a priest was that big a deal (and it is), why did he choose to marry and then feel he could force a son to get ordained? Something here about wanting to have your cake (or piece of ass)...
I don't get it either. Maybe he was angry because he paid the tuition for Notre Dame? Who knows?
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